“…but I know I will be homesick for you, even in Heaven”   Beth March, Little Women

What is it that bonds people?

Is it a family bond? Well sure some times, as in Little Women

I’ve seen some wonderfully close families in my life time.

Many times I’ve said that we pick our family. The people we choose to love become our family.

I know these things to be true, but what exactly is it that draws us to each other?

Are we, as humans designed for companionship? If it is a simple basic need, why are some content with one close friend and others need rooms full? For me, I have had four close friends over my life span (thus far).

My earliest friends as well as my longest enduring friendships have ended. They were gone much too early for my liking. I lost one to AIDS, and one to cancer.  Both of them gone before we even neared 40. Diseases, the vile enemies of life; thieves of happiness took them away from me.

I now have a new friend, and I treasure her. Still, there are so many days that I know my earlier friends would instantly know what I mean. I had little need to ever explain myself to my first friends. They would get the joke. They would understand when I am angry. They would have pulled me out of the occasional dark places in my world.

They were my finest friends.

The other best friend in my life is my spouse. By nature, that relationship is different though. It counts, sure it counts. It’s just different.

I struggle with the emotional energy to pursue friendships, but I struggle equally with loneliness and despair. In light of all this, a couple of weeks ago, I ended a toxic friendship. I think in some ways I am grieving that loss, but in many ways I am proud of myself for ending a relationship that was no longer productive and often counter productive. I willingly stayed in relation with this friend, on a near daily basis, but there came a time when I knew that to continue to do so would result in a difficult and fierce ending. Instead I chose to slip away.

So my questions or thought processes this morning are consumed with questions of what exactly is it that makes us crave interaction with others, even when it may be and sometimes is, harmful to our emotional health?
This morning, I offer you a post completely wrought with my perplexities and ramblings.