Tag Archive: parenting


Unsay it.


I had a conversation with my young grandson today. We were in the grocery store and he told me that he thought I was mean. Well of course he can think I’m mean, that doesn’t bother me, I knew why he said it and I know that at 3, although he has an amazing vocabulary, he still doesn’t have the ability to accurately put emotions in to words. My comment to him was this, “Brastin once you say words you can not unsay them”.

 

It’s something that runs through my mind every time I yell at my children, or forget to be as kind as I should. My health and my emotional state right now, are not very conducive to happy chatter. I am trying really hard to focus on the needs of a very large family. Those words though, have been running through my mind all afternoon.

 

Once you say words, you can not unsay them.

 

How life might have been different for me, if the director of education at the church I used to attend, had never told me that I talk too much.

 

How life might have been different for me, if my music teacher never told me that I really shouldn’t sing.

 

How life might have been different for me, if the Coach Carr had never asked his star player why he was speaking to ‘someone like me’ (asked so tactfully and loudly in front of the entire home room class).

 

How life might have been different for me, if no one ever told me that I just never seemed to live up to my potential. Maybe I am not done living up quite yet.

 

My point is, that we all already know that words can’t be unsaid.

 

I only hope that I can not only help my children and grandchildren learn to be more mindful of what they say. I also hope as I attempt to teach them, perhaps I can relearn myself.

 

Life is tough for us right now, and kindness is being forgotten.

 

Looking forward to some better days with “You can’t unsay them” as my mantra.

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I have three sons.

I have one that happens to struggle with Asperger’s Syndrome.

For a bit of a peek at what life is like, I’m sharing this video, but for some reason I am unable to embed it here.  So, please indulge me and go visit my Facebook Page where you can find a link to one section from the three part series This Emotional Life by PBS.org

I love the title of this series, and I’m almost done watching the second part. The thing is, I love the title because our life with Asperger’s Syndrome is just that, it’s LIFE.  My son is not sick, he doesn’t ‘suffer’ from Asperger’s, he is not intellectually or physically impaired by this.  He simply thinks a different way than what “THEY” say is normal (who are THEY and who the heck gave THEM the right to say what’s ‘normal’???)

My son is nearly 21, a college student, an active columnist for an online wrestling forum.  He’s just pretty darned cool.

Thing is, some people hear the term Asperger’s and associate it with Hollywood’s character of Rain Man. Love Rain Man, truly I did, but the character portrayed in that movie, has Autism, which is a related issue.

You see, there are many diagnoses that fall under the Autism Spectrum. None look the same and no one person behaves the same. The thing is, every person is an individual and every person with Autism, or Asperger’s or PDD-NOS, or Tourette’s or any of these other conditions, each one of them will be as different as the snowflakes are. That’s what makes human beings amazing.

For my son, being a little older it was very difficult to get an accurate diagnosis for him, and even when we did, it didn’t much matter. Aaron is Aaron. We adore him, and while there are some days that I know he’d wish his Asperger’s away, there are many many days that go by when neither he or anyone else would see anything different in he and a million other young men.

(I share his stories with his permission and he is very well aware that he can ‘edit’ me any time he feels the need)

I am sharing, because Autism and Autism related ‘disorders’ (again a term I loathe) are occurring in epidemic proportions in the United States.  I hope that what we’ve learned in our journey might help a parent who is traveling that road as well.

Again, please do view this video, you’ll find it on the Facebook Page


1)     Have a child, you’ll definitely make a difference to them, good or bad

2)     Contribute to a domestic abuse center

3)     Better yet, volunteer at one

4)     Smile to complete strangers

5)     Hold the door for people, this simple act of kindness is often neglected.

6)     If someone gives you the wrong  change, be honest with them

7)     Tip the pizza delivery guy more than he’s expecting

8)     Volunteer at your kid’s school.

9)     Join Big Brother and Big Sisters

10)  Forgive someone

11)  Forgive someone who really doesn’t deserve it

12)  Give nice clothing to a children’s shelter. Better yet, NEW clothing. Socks and underwear are always in short supply.

13)  Anonymously mail a struggling family a night out. Movie tickets, gift card for a meal

14)  Sponsor a child, it’s very cost-effective

15)  Play cheerful music at home, it will help your mood and improve those around you.

16)  Volunteer at a literacy program

17)  Volunteer at your library

18)  Adopt an unwanted pet

19)  Foster and train a puppy that will be used as an assistance animal

20)  Teach children to embrace peace

21)  Join and or financially support organizations who work for peace

22)  Send a note of appreciation for something someone has done for you

23)  Support organizations who oppose violence in children’s television

24)  Turn OFF the TV

25)  Do an unexpected chore, best yet do someone else’s chore anonymously

26)  Tickle your significant other

27)  Plant a tree

28)  Attend a benefit concert

29)  Mentor a child

30)  Freely praise other people

31)  Be active in a parent teacher group (if of course you ARE a parent)

32)  Volunteer with Girl Scouts

33)  Volunteer with Boy Scouts

34)  Give a book to a child

35)  Know how AIDS is transmitted, and speak up when someone is wrong about this

36)  Drink Responsibly, stay off the road, and you’re sure to improve COUNTLESS lives around you

37)  Forgive your own wrongdoings, you’ll be better able to extend that to others

38)  Volunteer with Meals On Wheels

39)  Set up a recycling center at your house, and use it

40)  Learn First Aid and CPR from your local Red Cross, you never know

41)  Sign your organ donor card

42)  Bake cookies and take them to the local fire station

43)  Make a care package for a shut in, better yet, take it to them and stay awhile

44)  Have a teddy bear drive for the police in your area, call them first to ask what they need

45)  Put your trash where it belongs, be mindful of others and our planet

46)  Shop at local business

47)  Start a book club

48)  Donate clothing and other items to charity, this helps you as well, PURGE

49)  Volunteer for Special Olympics

50)  Remember that the voice telling you that you CAN’T do something, is lying